BUT I'm feeling so incredibly relieved that it feels okay now.
Here I am, in front of our local library. It really is me. I'm just in disguise.
Why? Because I owe a SMALL FORTUNE in library fines. I owe the MOST I've ever owed to the library in my ENTIRE LIFE. On my card. AND on Child #4's card.
So, I'm sneaking into the library, incognito, to inquire if this is, indeed, a Forgiveness Friday.
Yay! It is Forgiveness Friday! Yay! Yay! Yay! Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus!
I whipped off the wig and unloaded my bag of books.
The library clerk was kind of mean. Not that I didn't deserve it. I couldn't stop blushing and apologizing. Plus, I promised to make Returning-Library-Books-On-Time my NUMBER ONE NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION. Which I will totally do. And you are my witnesses. Starting Jan. 1, for every book that is late I will donate $10 to a charity. I guess it should be a charity to do with reading? Or maybe librarians' retirement funds? Suggestions are very welcome.
I must say I think this whole situation is a little bit like the shoemaker's son having holes in his soles. Poor Child #4 hasn't been able to borrow library books for a while now. She was thrilled to bits to have a clean card today.
I'm thrilled to bits too. And here's what I'm reading: Fine Just the Way It Is by Annie Proulx
Clean slates are always good. Did you give them a copy of your book?
ReplyDeleteNo, but they'd already ordered a bunch. But that would've been good: a Forgiveness Gift. And, Barbara, what are you doing up so late???
ReplyDeletehuh..wjhat...coulda...huh...
ReplyDeleteI'm always returning books late.
ReplyDeleteAn amnesty for the holidays - how very festive! I think forgiveness Friday sounds awesome.
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh-I so did not know about Forgiveness Fridays! Last week when I finally turned in the very late DVD that I had accidentally returned to Blockbuster first, and dropped off a couple of late books, I paid a small fortune. My Son #1 told me that library fines were practically Pavlovian to me! Now that I know about Forgiveness Fridays my life will never be the same. Love the wig - you are such a Santee Babe! Love, Santee Babe I
ReplyDeleteI once owed $89 in library fines.
ReplyDeleteThey were sending BILLS to my house.
It was bad. It was very, very bad.
I love libraries, but I'm totally overwhelmed by them. It frustrates me that no matter how long I live or how hard I try, I can never read every book in even one library. Never. Never.
ReplyDeleteSantee Babe--apparently, the last Friday of every month is now a Forgiveness Friday at OUR library, but I don't think this is the case at all the county libraries. BUT, there is no sign advertising FF; FF is not mentioned on the website or on their l-o-n-g phone message. You have to be in the club to know. Welcome...
ReplyDeletemy vote is for every book late you donate a book to a school library. wait. will that only encourage your lateness?!
ReplyDeleteIs there really such thing as Forgiveness Fridays? I'll need to go incognito to see whether my library honors this. I doubt I'd look as cool, as movie-starrish as you did in your disguise.
ReplyDeleteHope you're feeling better and are ready to celebrate the New Year in style!
So that's the latest hairstyle the famous people are wearing? Nice do! I have to ask, were the fines on child #4's card her own doing or someone elses? ;-)
ReplyDeleteAlli, Sorry, but I can't answer that question on the grounds that it might intimidate me. ;)
ReplyDeleteI can relate - but the wig thing ... - Barrie, you are hilarious! Your poor children. You remind me a Dave Barry lecture I listened to at TLA - he likes to embarrass his kids, too. Your future looks awesome.
ReplyDeleteI've given up on libraries and usually just buy books.
Can't afford fines. (oh, and then there's my son's game rental late fees .. )
The library late-fee system has to be one of the most lenient in the world. I feel guilty right along with you--and it's so embarrassing when they tell you your total. Oh, well, yes, better in 2009!
ReplyDeleteoh sweet jesus THAT WAS FUNNY!!!
ReplyDeleteI like to call is "supporting" the local library.
I just finished One Thousand White Women. It was totally wicked. loved it.
Good thing I wasn't drinking anything when I saw that pic.
ReplyDeleteYou should be a spy. There was this fantastic charity on Oprah awhile ago that gives books to kids in Africa but I can't remember what it's called now.
ReplyDeleteA few months ago my husband racked up $80 in fines. That really stunk.
ReplyDeleteGlad you got forgiven
Sounds like a great deal!
ReplyDeleteSuzy Soro sent me your way--I'm a fellow San Diegan. Also, when I was 13 the Marshalls knocked on my mom's door to serve an arrest warrant for my $273 in outstanding library fines. Boy, was she pissed!
ReplyDeleteBarrie, that is so funny, you had me laughing outloud!!!!
ReplyDeleteAh, the irony! The author owing library fines. For shame.
ReplyDeleteAs for a charity? How about a promoting literacy fund?
A big HA!
ReplyDeleteI wish my library would do that! How nice to start the new year with a clean slate. Helps with those resolutions... making them any way.
ReplyDeletegood stuff, barrie... BUT should you not give the library the first $10... just for clearing your cards?
ReplyDeletelol I love the disguise! That definitely gives me an idea if I ever owe late fees ;)
ReplyDeleteFrom a woman who has been "renewing" a book that my son destroyed for a few months. Eventually, I'm going to have to take the remnants back and pay the fine...
ReplyDelete:)
Barrie, whenever I'm up in the wee hours I'm usually trying to come up with a plausible solution to a tricky element in my work-in-progress. I'm still on medical leave for an injury I sustained to my back four months ago so it's not necessary to have a regular sleep schedule. This is what happens when as a writer you pray for time off from a 9 to 5 job. So I'm trying to put to use what time I have left, even if it's 3:00 AM.
ReplyDeleteYou should have brought it to the Rancho Santa Fe branch. We aren't mean to people who bring their late books in on FFF(Fines Free Friday). And I suggest you donate that money to Adult Literacy ;). Soapbox Moment: If you get your books from the library, and even if you pay fines sometimes, you will save hundreds of dollars a year, as opposed to buying all your books. Okay, stepping down from soapbox now.
ReplyDelete