Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Child #3's Book Talk

Notice the stylish laces.


So, Child #3 did a book talk at school. For his 7th grade language arts class.

But it wasn't just any old book talk; it was on I So Don't Do Mysteries!!!

He would not let me help him with his speech. Despite the fact that I happen to know ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING about that book.

Anyway, he trundled off to school with his speech on little recipe cards. In his backpack, he has bookmarks and miniature Hershey chocolates with my cover on them. He's happy to hand these goodies out to the class.

I'm on pins and needles all day. As you can well imagine.

Then, finally, it's just the two of us, driving to the allergist for his venom shots. Natch, I play it ultra cool and ask him a couple of intro questions like "How was your day?" and "How'd the math test go?" before I began MILDLY interrogating him. Here's the convo:

Me: So, about the book talk?

Child #3: (stuffing a chocolate chip cookie into his mouth.) It went fine.

Me: Well, did the class ask any questions? Or the teacher?

Child #3: (opening water bottle) Yeah.

Me: Like what?

Child #3: (swigs water) Just questions. I don't remember.

Me: What do you mean you don't remember? It just happened today.

Child #3: Well, everyone asked questions. About 300 each.

Me: Wow. Can you tell me five of them?

Child #3: Not really. I don't remember any of them.

Me: Whaaat? Out of 9,600 questions about MY book, you can't even remember five? How about one? Can you remember one?

Child #3: (shrugs shoulders) Sorry.

Me: (hands tightly gripping the steering wheel) Honey, give me something. Anything.

Child #3: (takes another longer drink) Well, I forgot to say the author's name.

Me: (practically swerving off the road into the weeds) WHAAAAT? YOU FORGOT WHAT? THE AUTHOR'S NAME? YOU FORGOT YOUR OWN MOTHER'S NAME? WHAT KIND OF A BOOK TALK IS THAT WHERE YOU DON'T GIVE THE AUTHOR'S NAME?

Child #3: Kidding.

Kids. Yeesh.

I'll obviously have to resort to the tactics of all self-respecting author-mothers ... and email the teacher for the scoop.

Here's Child #4. She couldn't bear to see her brother have his picture taken for the blog without grabbing a piece of the action for herself.

29 comments:

Laura said...

He cracks me up...though I can understand you high level of anxiety - kids....they know our buttons!!!! I am sure the presentation went great! How fun!

David Cranmer said...

Ha-that's great! Kids are amazing. I think you should have secretly gone and eavesdropped on the presentation.

Christine Mercer-Vernon said...

oh barrie, as i sat here with groggy morning eyes reading your post, i've never laughed so hard. i would have been the same way, dying for details, yet trying to press to hard...i give him credit, he's got a sense of humor!!

Laura said...

Thanks for your comment on my blog - I am doing GREAT! I have now lost 16.5 pounds. I wrote a quick update on The Fringe.

Thanks for your support - it means so very much to me!

Just a Plane Ride Away said...

Hahaha! Kids. They sure know how to press our buttons ;-) You KNOW #3 was glowing with pride about his mama!!

beckylevine said...

This is so great. My son did this for his first 6th grade book report. First his teacher thought he wanted to read a book HE'D written. :) Then he had to take in a chapter of mine to show that he was talking about a REAL book (since it's still in that darned manuscript form.) And he couldn't remember a single detail afterward, either! So he claimed.

But how cool is it to know that your book showed up in class! This is really the reason we have kids, right? :)

Charles Gramlich said...

I believe every word is true, and that's what makes this one of the funniest things I've ever read. I'm still chuckling.

Kristen DeDeyn Kirk said...

The agony! Your conversation with your son sounds like one I'd have with my seven-year-old. It's impossible to get anything out of him. He tells me, "I hate questions." But it's cool that your boy wanted to talk about your book!

Don Mills Diva said...

KIDS!

That hilarious. I woudl have been unable to react planting a spy cam on him if I were you!

keri mikulski :) said...

Hilarious. :) And so cute.

But, he's so proud of mom - bringing the book with him to school. Adorable. And I love Child #4 getting her piece of the action.. Is she the youngest? :)

Barrie said...

Keri: She is the youngest. And the last. Definitely.

Alyssa Goodnight said...

Quite the sense of humor on Child #3! He's a brave boy. I'd like a mini chocolate bar wrapped with your cover... ;)

Beth said...

He sounds just like #1 son! I'm convinced its the Y chromosome that makes them unable to accurately rehash every single, teeny tiny detail that is soooo necessary for a decent rendition of what happened. There's never any... And then I said... and then he/she said... and then this happened.
Nope. None of that. You get only... I don't know... I don't remember... I didn't pay attention.
Guys!

Bee said...

Funny! (BTW, I think my oldest daughter took a vow of silence the day she was born. Her stock answers are: "Nothing" and "I don't know.")

Please let us know what you get in terms of teacher feedback. So exciting for you . . .

Amy said...

And teachers always look mystified when we don't know what's going on at school....

:)

Larramie said...

Guess Child #3 isn't destined for a PR career! LOL

Anonymous said...

Wait... Who wrote the book anyways? It's no big deal he forgot the author's name...

Child #2

Mac and Cheese said...

Ugh! How torturous for you.

Josh said...

hahahahaha, kids, funny stuff. :)

deboradale said...

What a buster he is! lol. Too cruel, but oh so funny. I would have been exactly like you - wanting to know every single detail. And my daughter would no doubt be just like your son. "Uh... I dunno." I have no doubt it went fabulously but I'd love to hear the details from the teacher should you actually request them (which I truly hope you do). :-)

Travis Erwin said...

I'm thinking he enjoyed toying with you more than you'll ever know.

Eileen said...

snort. I love that kid.

Barbara Martin said...

Children can be so cute. Your son, I think, was giving you the gears.

Amy said...

Your convo with Child #3 is hilarious. I'm looking forward to the release of your book! Thanks for the lovely comment on my blog :) I would love to place a link to your blog from mine if that is ok with you! Have a great day :)

Michele said...

Aw, what a sense of humor Child #3 has! And I love that Child #4 had to have her picture taken for the blog, too. So cute. :-)

pattinase (abbott) said...

I bet his nonchalance in the car was very different from his excitement in the classroom.

~Virginia~ said...

that's hilarious! too cute!

Rae Ann Parker said...

Hilarious! You will definitely have to get the scoop from the teacher.

Bina said...

Oh my God, that was SO funny! Not only is your kids smart, he has an EXCELLENT sense of humor. That would make me SO proud!

And hey, I want a book mark!!!!