I returned my fancy schmancy cell phone. On the last day of my monthly trial period.
Here's how it went down.
I walk into my local Verizon store with my original bag, packaging, receipt, every little item even down to a twist tie.
Me: (all friendly and organized) Hi! I'd like to exchange my phone.
Verizon Sales Clerk: (peeks in bag, then looks askance at me like I might be slightly crazy) Why? That's an amazing phone.
Me: (who has practiced her litany of grievances)
1.) I'm not sure if you've counted, but it has SEVENTY-FOUR buttons.
2.) It's kind of thick and it's making me look lopsided in the hip area.
3.) It crackles and has generally unclear reception.
4.) It only has fake-o Verizon internet, which means I can only go on certain Verizon websites. Which means I can't even check out my friends' blogs.
Verizon: (looking around to make sure she's not alone with me because I'm obviously more than slightly crazy) Okay, m'am. If you really want to you can exchange this superior phone for a thinner, simpler phone. It'll only cost you $129.00.
Me: $129.00???? You told me this phone was totally exchangeable if I came back within a month.
Verizon: Yeah, well, last month your phone was on promotion. This month it's not. That's why you have to pay for the exchange.
Me: Surely you can see how that doesn't make sense at all.
Anyway, to make a long story short, Verizon finally caved. I think the fact that I could recite my litany of grievances by heart played into their capitulation. I am now the proud owner of a small, cute, don't-need-to-be-a-brain-surgeon-to-operate cell phone . And I got a refund of $2.08!
Next time I go into Verizon for an exchange, I'm bringing along one of my talented-with-a-video-camera kids. And I will upload the experience to YouTube.
Can you hear me now?
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